100 and Single by Chris Molanphy

Mysteriously, but perhaps inevitably, the Guns n’ Roses tour is no more – and not a moment too soon. It’s high time Axl Rose scrapped Chinese Democracy, killed off the Axl & Friends revue he’s been calling GnR, and moved on like the last 10 years never happened.

It’s official – Guns n’ Roses have canceled their tour. This followed a riot at one of the tour’s last stops. Ah, now this is the band I remember.

About 12 years ago, when I used to fantasize about someday being an MTV music newscaster (go ahead, you can laugh now), I’d picture myself reading a report about another riot or cancellation at a GnR tour stop. That’s because that’s all Kurt Loder used to report – GnR no-shows, and resulting fan riots, were what passed for epochal music news in the early ’90s. When rock fans talk about missing Guns n’ Roses because they miss that “bad-boy rock n’ roll flavor,” I think they’re talking about missing all the riots.

(An aside: How are Guns still able to so easily mount a tour after their notoriously unprofessional, crowd-inciting behavior a decade ago, while even the most innocuous rap stars have trouble booking concerts? Makes you think.)

The bad boy with all the flavor is, clearly, still Axl. What I mean is, while we haven’t been told why this latest tour has been canceled, I think it’s safe to say that it’s something Axl-related. Back in the day, Axl used to insinuate that his bandmates were causing problems or taking too many drugs, one night staging an impromptu onstage intervention (”Too many people in this band have been dancing with Mr. Brownstone”). But with all the old bandmates gone – the new GnR may as well be a well-financed cover band – there’s no one left to point fingers at other than Axl. I use the same deductive logic that helped me finally determine that Eddie and Alex Van Halen must actually be bigger assholes than David Lee Roth, since they seem to be the ones who keep repelling bandmates, not the other way around. I mean, do you really think Buckethead is causing enough problems to get a multimillion-dollar tour canceled?

I nearly got to see the motley GnR lineup a couple of weeks ago at what turned out to be their last show, at Madison Square Garden. A couple of fairly choice seats were offered to me, at $80 a pop. In the end, I passed, mainly because I couldn’t find anyone with the night clear on his schedule who’d also be willing to shell out that much for Axl’s All-Star Revue. I must also confess that I have never been a full-blown GnR believer. Appetite for Destruction is pretty terrific, the singles are amazing, and “Sweet Child” contains one of the two best metal guitar solos ever (the other being Eddie V.H. on Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” – discuss); but without Slash, I feel like the funk has been permanently eradicated from Guns’ nickel-plated sound. The new band’s sloppy, groove-less performance at the end of the MTV Awards – loudly adored that night by GnR true-believers Loder and Jimmy Fallon – probably satisfied my Guns jones for the year, maybe the decade.

With Chinese Democracy, the GnR comeback album, no closer to being released, and this tour now a shambles, I would humbly suggest to Axl that he disband this lineup, toss the album in the can, and hit reset. Thanks to the handful of live appearances, we’ve already heard what are probably the standout songs from Democracy – “Madagascar,” “Oh My God” – and they pretty much suck. The true believers are too loyal to admit it, but what they want back is the old lineup, or at least most of it, not the amalgam of studio musicians, touring guitarists and rotating producers that has represented GnR for the last half-decade; they want Guns, not Axl & friends. Imagine – a reunited GnR, the “Appetite for Reconstruction” tour; now that would be worth a dance with Mr. Brownstone.